FRAGMENTIA 13: Bite-sized slices of life

6.25.2006

Week Of 25 June, 2006

WHAT'D YOU SAY?
A study has revealed that black Americans have better hearing than white Americans. Which does nothing to explain the ubiquity of the phrase, "Say what?"

DEVOURING THE COMPETITION
Sweetmeats giant Nestle has bought weight loss behemoth Jenny Craig. Next up, Nestle will shut down Jenny Craig and increase its own chocolate-related advertising. You can't have a bunch of health nuts eating into your profits.

OUGHTA BE A BUMPER STICKER
Dating Former High School Bully's Teenage Daughter

HOW HAVE WE SURVIVED WITHOUT IT?
This squirrel-proof bird feeder is sure to give hours of enjoyment to sadistic people everywhere. While the design allows birds to land and feed, it also causes the feeder to shut under the weight of any squirrel that tries to partake, leaving the rodents confused and depressed.
Poor little fellers.

SWEET NECTAR OF LIFE
The FIVB volleyball tournament in Gstaad, Switzerland features dancers with skimpier outfits than even the players wear.

All hail Swiss movement!

A trio of cheeky bums.

SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY BLOGGAZ!!!
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6.18.2006

Week Of 18 June, 2006

WHAT WEBSTER WON'T TELL YOU
Crumbinal (singular noun): One of those selfish bastards who leaves an empty bag of chips, crisps, cookies or biscuits in the cabinet, causing you great disappointment when you discover your desired snack is actually unavailable.

THINGS TO PONDER
How can some US lawmakers support amnesty for Iraqi terrorists and oppose amnesty for illegal Mexican immigrants? Are they concerned about the threat of future Nueve-Once attacks?

OUGHTA BE A UNION
Streetwalkers Local 187

BREAD AND TERRORISTS
Gunmen have kidnapped 10 workers from a Baghdad bakery. That'll show those infidel yeasties a thing or two!

IS THAT A DAGGER YOU'VE GOT, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
The sight of a naked risk-taker in Ann Arbor, Michigan so frightened a passerby that he ran after the unarmed, unclothed man and shot him. Perhaps the shooter was a member of the city's large Muslim population, members of which sometimes find immodesty more disturbing than violence. (As do some members of my family.)

SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY BLOGGAZ!!!
Check out this blogger's site, and be sure to tell 'em Pete sent ya! (Caution: Some disturbing visual content.)

6.11.2006

Week Of 11 June, 2006

YOU GUYS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?
Some Florida high school students on a criminology class field trip
discovered an actual dead body. Now that's real-life learnin'. Sign me up for the sex ed field trip!

BUT DOES IT COME IN A KOSHER VERSION?
Wrecking sportscars, dating hookers, snorting coke and chewing tobacco aren't the only
chancy things baseball players do off the diamond. Some are enjoying greasy bacon-cheese burgers with a glazed donut for a bun. Mmm... donut. Mmm... bun.

OUGHTA BE A BUMPER STICKER
This Vehicle Stops At RR Crossings, Too... When There's A Damn Train Coming!

HOW HAVE WE SURVIVED WITHOUT IT?
This year hooligans at the World Cup football tournament in Berlin are on notice: You are being watched. Now there are police spotters designated for catching those overzealous fans before they run amok. Job qualifications? Eyesight. I don't imagine it would be hard to spot a lot of those buggers at a European football game.

WHAT WEBSTER WON'T TELL YOU
Lateniks (plural noun): People who are constantly running late and fouling up things for the rest of us. The March Hares of society.

SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY BLOGGAZ!!!
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6.04.2006

Week Of 4 June, 2006

HELL OF A PARTY
The town of Hell, Michigan is getting set to commemorate June 6, 2006 (6/6/06). It seems like a devilishly fun idea, especially since if you meet an eligible young bachelor or bachelorette during the festivities you don't have to ask them for their number - it's right there on their forehead!

DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT HIM
Paul Gleason, the actor who played the jackass principal in my favorite teen-angst-catharsis movie, The Breakfast Club, and the clueless deputy police chief in Die Hard, has died. God I will miss that "jerk." Gleason died from mesothelioma, a form of lung cancer linked to asbestos (What? It's the safest stuff on earth!). The fact that the disease likely took root half a century ago when Gleason worked in construction reminds us just how dangerous this stuff is, even many decades after exposure.

WHAT WEBSTER WON'T TELL YOU
e-tard (singular noun): Someone so technically inept that even the simple task of sending an e-mail is beyond his/her capabilities.

OUGHTA BE A BUMPER STICKER
Tailgaters Will Be Ritualistically Slaughtered

UNCONVENTIONAL WISDOM
God is pro-choice. The proof? Miscarriages and stillbirths. (Hey, don't attack the messenger on this one!)

SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY BLOGGAZ!!!
Check out this blogger's site, and be sure to tell 'em Pete sent ya!